Home again.

The end is near. To our trip, I mean. The end of the world is still a ways off. I give it another 500 years or so until the dinosaurs wake up. Then we’re screwed. Wife and I have been driving cross-country for the past nine days, and we’re only a day’s drive away from our final destination: Boston. It’s been an amazing trip, and I’ve seen more of America than most people will see in a Lifetime Original Movie about a girl who travels across America on a pink scooter in search of the man who murdered her sorority sister. I think it’s called “Road Trap: Diary of Revenge.” In summation, here’s what I’ve learned on our grand driving tour of the U.S.A.: (1) Don’t mess with the Mojave. (2) There is such a thing as too much pizza. (3) Local cops hate it when you tell them they have funny accents. (4) Not all rest areas were created equal. (5) The city of Niagara Falls, NY, is the scariest haunted house in the world. And that’s pretty much it. Everything else I already knew from watching “Road Trap: Diary of Revenge.” Which brings me to my next point: the road ahead. Believe it or not, Wife and I will be living with her folks for a while, until we save up enough wampum to buy ourselves a brand new teepee. That’s not a metaphor. We’ve heard open-concept teepees are all the rage with young married couples these days. The key is having multiple sight-lines on the little ones, which is definitely possible if you’re in a teepee. The only thing I’m dreading is trying to mount our flat-screen on a wall made of deer pelts.