I’m sinking. Literally. I grabbed this nifty office chair at the dump swap on Saturday (another wild weekend in the books), and it was working perfectly. Until I sat in it. Now, as I type, I am sinking at a barely perceptible rate. It’s like writing in a pit of quicksand, or from the bridge of that famous ship that everyone said was unsinkable, the Titanic II (straight to DVD, 2010). Apart from being indescribably annoying, I must say it adds a sense of urgency to every stroke of the keyboard. It’s as if by the time I finish writing this, the chair will reach it’s lowest setting, my wrists will be flexed upwards, and the monitor…will explode. I can already see it happening on the silver screen…
INT. OFFICE – DAY
JAY RANDALL (Shia LaBeouf), late 20’s, handsome, but kind of a nerd, is typing in his cubicle at his nerdy job.
JAY: Oh, no! I just coded all that code and now there’s a virus on my RAM! The boss is going to kill me! Wait a second…oh, no! My chair is sinking at a barely perceptible rate!
KATIE BLISS (Megan Fox), super hot chick, enters. She looks super hot.
KATIE: Hey, you, nerd! Oh, no! Get out of the chair! Oh, no! It’s sinking really slowly!
JAY: Oh, no!
Katie pulls Jay out of the chair right before it sinks to its lowest setting. The monitor EXPLODES. They fall into each other’s arms. The End.