The Grapes of Wrap

Sweet embrace.

I’m in love. I’m not talking about Wife, either. Make no mistake, I love Wife with all my heart, our bond transcends space and time, and she can control my brain by glaring at me. That’s a given. But this is a different kind of love I’m talking about. The kind of love that can only exist between a man and 200 square feet of polyvinylidene chloride. Yes, I am of course referring to Saran wrap. From the moment we met, I could tell Saran was different. Sure, there had been others: the occasional plastic storage bin, a freezer bag here and there. Hell, I even experimented with tin foil for a while, and the results were not pretty. But ever since Saran appeared on the scene, things have been…different. I mean, food actually tastes better! Saran makes vegetables crispier, marinades marinade-ier! I’m experiencing salads in a way I never thought possible! Saran has opened my eyes to a whole new world of food preservation opportunities, and has granted me the confidence to bring three-day-old mashed potatoes to a dinner party without making anybody hurl! Look, I could go on for hours about Saran (I’m not kidding, I’ll turn this into a 24/7 Saran party without blinking. Try me.), but you’ll never truly appreciate what I’m talking about until you experience Saran for yourself. Don’t worry, I’m not the jealous type. See, me and Saran have sort of an open relationship thing going on. Hey, as long as Saran keeps that jar of extra-chunky salsa fresh and tangy, Saran can be with anyone Saran likes. What? I lost the cap!

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