The Electric Dry-Clean Acid Test

Direct hit.

Clean this. It’s a dress shirt that I have mashed up into a tight ball and thrown onto your counter. No, I’m not rude or crazy, I’m at the dry cleaners, where apparently it is more than acceptable to toss your dirty clothes in the general direction of an employee and expect them to be cleaned in a timely fashion. Oh, and it costs about a dollar or two per shirt. That’s right: for a dollar and change you can walk into a place of business with a shirt covered in barbecue sauce, literally throw it over your shoulder, stick out your tongue, make a fart noise and be on your merry way. And that is how the economy works. Seriously, how do dry cleaners make money? Do they have special presses that squeeze out the food stains from all their customers’ clothes, pack them in jars and sell them at carnivals? Or perhaps they are running an underground fashion club that meets in the basement and walks a runway made of milk crates wearing stained suit pants and dusty coats. Sure, the first rule of fashion club is that you don’t talk about fashion club, but honestly why would you want to admit that you wear other people’s dirty laundry in your spare time? I think if I were to open a dry cleaners I would boost my profit margin by using the clothes as costumes for a “Pets Acting Like Humans Calendar.” Because, really, who can say no to a potbelly pig sitting at an office desk wearing a suit and analyzing a pie chart? Nobody, of course.

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