Welcome to our new home. Please wipe your feet on the trash bag before stepping into the foyer. May I take your coats? I’ll put them on this tower of boxes. Now, if you’ll please follow me past the U.P.C. (Unidentified Pile of Clothes) into the living room, you can have a seat on one of these upside down storage bins. Aren’t they lovely? We purchased them for no dollars at the dump. They really tie the room together, don’t you think? May I offer you something to drink? Perhaps a soda from the gas station down the street? Or how about some orange juice that the previous owner left behind in the refrigerator? We also have some canned soup if you’d like to drink that. I’m afraid our cups are still packed away in moving boxes, so just hold out your hands and I’ll fill them with liquid. Like this, see? How about some entertainment? We have the weekend edition of the Wall Street Journal. Well, a piece of it anyway. It was used to wrap our delicates. Oh, and it’s from October of 2008. We could also listen to some music if that is what you would prefer. [clears throat, starts singing a medley of Billy Joel tunes]. Hmm, now my throat is sore. Does anybody have a lozenge? I know we have one somewhere, but it’s buried under five metric tonnes (there’s so much I used the British spelling) of unpacked belongings. Perhaps I could suck on an ice cube. Nevermind, our freezer is still cooling. I know! Let’s place Guess the Shade of Drywall!