Criterion collection.

Tweet this. If you do, I will retweet your tweet in exchange for a couple favs next time I tweet. Are you following me? I’m not asking if you are confused, I’m asking if you are following me. On Twitter. Because if you are not, you should be. Why? Well…I, uh…I’m not exactly sure… Just do it, alright? Jeez, not everything in this world has to be wrapped in a pretty little explanation, tied with a cute reason, and handed to you on a sapient platter. Do you think Charles Dickens had to give people a reason to read his books? Heck no! He just wrote them, and BAM! Millions of followers. He didn’t have to jump through any hoops, either. No “favoriting” his contemporaries’ works in the hopes they would reciprocate. No “hashtagging” his sentences to attract more readers. And of course, no character constraints to get his points across. I mean, “Dombey and Son” is over a thousand pages long! Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how many tweets that is? I do. It is roughly 8,929 tweets*. That’s impossible! I’ve been tweeting for like, four months, and still have only managed to write about 600 of the stupid things. At this rate, I’m never going to be as famous as Charles Dickens! This sucks! What did he have that I don’t, anyway? A British accent? Please…do you know how easily I can fake a British accent? Very easily. And if that’s all it takes to be world famous, have millions of followers, and get your 9,000 tweet books to be made into musicals, movies, and magicians (David Copperfield), then con’sider y’self at ‘ome, ‘cus I got great expec’ations for m’ tweets.

*(50 characters per line x 25 lines per page x 1,000 pages per novel) / 140 characters per tweet.