Click me.

Is there a doctor in the house? No, I’m not having a heart attack. Oh my gosh, am I having a heart attack?! No, I am not. I am, however, dangerously close to developing carpal tunnel syndrome, or, what we in the trade refer to as “internet gout.” For the uninitiated, carpal tunnel syndrome is a debilitating, horribly embarrassing affliction that only affects nerds and data entry trolls, like yours truly. It is caused by improper posture and- SNORE! Sorry. That sentence was so boring to type that I fell asleep typing it. But then I woke up because MY WRIST IS KILLING ME! I don’t want to name names, but I believe the culprit may be the specific kind of computer mouse I’ve been using – a certain brand name that rhymes with “Snapple” and was founded by a guy whose name rhymes with Jeeve Snobs! I am of course talking about the world famous, “Chapel Computers,” founded by the late, great Reeve Probs. Sure, they make spiffy products, but their computer mice – mouses? what’s the plural for computer mouse? moose? it’s moose, right?) – their computer moose stink! They’re too small and sleek for my big, meaty man-hands! Plus, the scroll wheels are smack-dab in the middle of the moose, which causes my middle finger to cramp and sends pain shooting up my arm. Damn you, Chapel Computer moose! Luckily, I was able to find a replacement: a certain type of mouse designed for PC’s by a company whose name rhymes with “Smell.” That’s right, I’m using a “Gel Computer” mouse, and I’m already feeling a difference! Now, if I could only do something about my chair!