You’re dead.

Hold this. What is it? Why, it’s nothing but a harmless, ordinary Christmas tree ornament. Yep, there’s nothing suspicious or inherently dangerous about it. Totally safe to hold the ornament in your hand like so, without any possibility, whatsoever, of the ornament being torn from your grasp by a pair of razor sharp claws attached to a ball of orange fur traveling at the speed of sound. Oops. I guess the Cat is out of the bag, both figuratively and literally. That’s because Wife and I recently discovered that Cat possesses a morbid fascination with Christmas tree ornaments when we attempted to decorate our very first Christmas tree. Speaking from experience, you are better off holding a live grenade than a shiny, reflective and exceedingly delicate ornament in the vicinity of Cat’s favorite napping spot. To be fair, Cat hasn’t broken any of the ornaments…yet. Cat mostly just sits deathly still on the floor, staring at the ornaments and privately deciding which one shall be sacrificed to the Feline Gods first. I believe Cat’s favorite are the miniature glass acorns, which just happen to be hanging from some of the tree’s highest branches (a strategy to protect them from potential swipe attacks that I think I will soon regret). Perhaps we should invest in a miniature decoy tree to satiate Cat’s sadistic hunger for ornament blood. Then again, I don’t think I could be that cruel to any material object, live or inanimate. [CRASH] Uh oh.