A Question of Power Tools
by Will Bailey
Time to power up. I’m referring to my power drill, and not the incredible super power lurking just below the surface of my mild-mannered persona. For the record, my super power is Not Being Able to Remember Song Lyrics. It’s true. No matter how many times you force me to listen to a given song, I promise you I will not be able to recall a single lyric. Amazing, I know. Although for some reason the US Government still has not commissioned my powers to fight the forces of evil. They’re probably saving me for the Final Boss, right? Back to power tools. Aren’t they great? I especially like power drills, because they make ordinary boobs like me feel like a welder dangling off the side of an unfinished skyscraper when simply unscrewing a television from its wall mount. Sometimes I like to take my drill to a quiet corner of the house and just, like, drill some holes, you know? In fact, Wife doesn’t know it, but there are hundreds, possibly even thousands, of small holes in our furniture, appliances and even clothing. I find it rather therapeutic, plus it promises to provide hours of free entertainment for our children, who will play a fun game known as “Find The Drill Holes.” Am I serious about drilling random holes in our personal possessions? Of course not. But that would be pretty funny if I was being serious, eh? No? Oh, OK.