by Will Bailey
Take your best shot. Trust me, I can handle it. Sure, I may not look like I can, but then again looks can be deceiving. Especially when you are an amateur makeup artist. See, I recently signed up for a senior hockey league, only to discover that there are try-outs. Think about that for a second. Try-outs…for a senior hockey league. Are there going to be scouts in the stands? Will a select few be drafted into a Canadian senior hockey league and spend the rest of their days playing for the glory of the Queen, or whoever it is that rules Canada, but at the cost of never seeing their families again? Granted, I understand the value of making sure your senior hockey league players are actually, you know, hockey players, but is that really a concern? Are people paying hefty sign-up fees to spend two hours of their precious nights and weekends in dirty rinks on the other side of the tracks with strange men who may or may not be stripping down to their undies at some point in the transaction, just, like, on a whim? If so, that is wild. But probably not, right? I must admit, however, that the prospect of going to try-outs makes me feel like I’m in high school again. It’s quite exciting. The only problem is that I was also involved in the whole theater scene around that age, and I’m afraid my wires may cross. “Hey, boys, are you excited for our audition? I’m going to make a slap shot and then do some interpretative skating. Yay! [clapping hands excitedly].” At least the makeup will make me look tough.