Testament of Yogurt
by Will Bailey
We live in exciting times. I’m not talking about the countless advances in medical science, green energy production or that thing at the Sharper Image with the video camera that you fly with a remote control and lets you spy on your annoying sister with your eighth grade friends-the ones with the gelled hair. I’m talking about all the amazing things we are doing with yogurt. If you have been to your local supermarket lately, you know what I’m talking about (all you people who shop at normalmarkets, you’ll have to sit this one out): the yogurt displays are off the chain, son! There are like, you know, so many different kinds of yogurts to choose from. That’s a lot of kinds! You got your plain yogurts that come in a bucket and are mildly depressing to look at. You got flavored yogurts that taste like pie filled with chemicals. You got all natural yogurts with chunks of fruit on the bottom that taste way better than the actual yogurt. You got thick and creamy yogurt that is the only thing standing between Greece and total financial annihilation (that, and gyros). You got portable tubes of yogurt that apparently kids eat in mid-air on skateboards. You got yogurt that comes with little pieces of chocolate, which, at that point, why not just buy chocolate? And finally, you got sour cream, which looks a lot like yogurt when you squint your eyes, and has ruined my breakfast on more than one occasion, I am not proud to report. So, what have we learned from all this? I’m not sure.