Mountain odors.

Like my shoes? They’re new. Which is, of course, the first thing anyone ever says about their shoes. They don’t mention where they got them, or how many lawns they mowed and babies they sat to be able to afford them-the only detail they care to mention is that they are NEW! It’s almost as if people are their own personal infomercial pitchmen when it comes to their shoes. NEW! Shoes on my feet! Don’t delay! Compliment me now! What if we talked about all of our purchases the way we talk about our shoes? “Like my gum? It’s new.” Sure, that example doesn’t work for a select special few who enjoy chewing used gum, but then again, that’s a bit like wearing used shoes. In both examples, you are entering into holy matrimony with the germs of another human being. Furthermore, if the used shoes you are wearing happen to have gum on the soles, that’s like two for the price of one. But maybe we’re not giving used shoes a fair shake. After all, what do you wear when you go bowling? All that’s separating your feet from the collective bacteria of thousands of people is a fine mist of Mountain Fresh deodorizer. Maybe if shoe stores sprayed used shoes with this stuff, people would be more willing to drop their prejudicial preference for “brand new.” At the very least, it would make everyday conversation more interesting. “Like my shoes? They’re still old. I traded a pack of gum for them.”