120 Days of Soda
by Will Bailey
Soda binge.
Got any pop? That’s slang for “soda” just in case you are keeping score. Speaking of which, what exactly are you keeping score of? Odd vernacular? That’s not even a game. That’s more like a strange obsession that borders on anti-social behavior. I mean, what kind of person spends all their time keeping tally of every unusual vocab word that wanders into their bodily orbit? An agitator, that’s what. And I’m not about to get blacklisted by Big Blog for suspected harboring of agitators. That’s the kind of negative attention that can ruin a man. A man who isn’t otherwise bothering anybody and only wants to write jokes and draw pictures of himself making stupid faces. Well, more like a man-boy. A man that looks like a boy but is really a man. Wow, I am sounding extra crazy today! Maybe it’s all those diet sodas I’ve been putting back at work. They’re free, plus they give me plenty of energy, what with all the caffeine and unpronounceable chemical ingredients and sitch (read: “such” as spoken by a wily gold prospector). If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the questionable ingredients in those things are messing with my Four Bodily Humors. Sure, I could go without Phlegm, but just one tiny tweak to my Blood, Black Bile, or Yellow Bile Humors, and I am completely insufferable! Just a real cranky old coot. Thank goodness I don’t know any better, eh? Eh? EH??? Pass me that can of soda.
This is pretty funny. I like your style of humor.
And I like your style of compliments!
You look younger in this picture than your usual drawings. Maybe you are on to something with that fountain of youth soda.
What can I say? I always look my best when dumping liquids onto my face.
you really are a crazy person, aren’t you? I enjoy your craziness though. Even though you do not take my advice and use a couple of paragraphs when you post–but hey it is your blog.
My son calls himself a man-child–he is 21.
I don’t write these blogs, I dictate them at the top of my lungs while running on the treadmill. That’s why there are no natural paragraph breaks.
Also, I believe the man-children are the future.
lol to the first one
so true to the second comment
I can’t actually add any thing of value or conversation inducing to this comment thread, I don’t want to mess with your humors. But this is freaking hilarious. Who knew you were going to go from soda to bile in so few words?
The New 2012 Nailsbailsmobile goes from soda to bile in 1.0 blogs!
And formaldehyde. Remember, aspartame converts to formaldehyde in the digestive system. So that’ll make you pickle your liver and be able to pass a breathalyzer. Win-Win!
Yea, but it’s diet formaldehyde. Zero calories, ya heard?