The Bicycle Purple
by Will Bailey
My bum hurts. Sorry. That was a bad way to start. It’s early and some of you haven’t even had your coffee yet and you’re being assailed with thoughts of sore rear ends?! Shame on me. I should be more thoughtful. It’s just that, well, my bum really does hurt, and it’s making me grumpy. See, Wife and I thought it would be fun to ride our bicycles to the library yesterday. There were just two little problems: 1) we forgot to check if the library was open; 2) it’s four miles from the house. So not only did we arrive, tired and sweaty, at a 100% closed library, but we also had to turn around and ride the four miles all the way back home, feeling extra stupid for being such poor trip planners. Of course, the irony of the situation was that the only thing that would have made us feel smarter (books) were on total lock-down. And to add injury to insult, it had been so long since I’ve ridden a bicycle that my backside felt like it had been kicked by a mule after sitting on the hard bicycle seat for eight long miles. Seriously, I now understand what Livestrong really means: “Never give up, no matter how much your bum hurts from sitting on that oddly shaped bicycle seat.” Maybe I should get one of those bracelets to let the world know just how much pain I’m dealing with every time I sit down. Next time, I think we’ll drive to the library.