The Bicycle Purple
by Will Bailey
Pain train.
My bum hurts. Sorry. That was a bad way to start. It’s early and some of you haven’t even had your coffee yet and you’re being assailed with thoughts of sore rear ends?! Shame on me. I should be more thoughtful. It’s just that, well, my bum really does hurt, and it’s making me grumpy. See, Wife and I thought it would be fun to ride our bicycles to the library yesterday. There were just two little problems: 1) we forgot to check if the library was open; 2) it’s four miles from the house. So not only did we arrive, tired and sweaty, at a 100% closed library, but we also had to turn around and ride the four miles all the way back home, feeling extra stupid for being such poor trip planners. Of course, the irony of the situation was that the only thing that would have made us feel smarter (books) were on total lock-down. And to add injury to insult, it had been so long since I’ve ridden a bicycle that my backside felt like it had been kicked by a mule after sitting on the hard bicycle seat for eight long miles. Seriously, I now understand what Livestrong really means: “Never give up, no matter how much your bum hurts from sitting on that oddly shaped bicycle seat.” Maybe I should get one of those bracelets to let the world know just how much pain I’m dealing with every time I sit down. Next time, I think we’ll drive to the library.
A true classic. Glad that you have joined the rich literary community of bike bloggers. -Mike on a Bike
lol Reminds me of my husband, he’d never biked either and got pain in his, how did you call it, bums after a few miles, and I couldn’t understand it, because for me it’s a piece of cake, without pain. I know now he isn’t the only one
Dude…..just started reading your blog….mostly because the drawing I saw on “freshly pressed” looked cool and I wanted to check it out. You are entertaining, wonderfully ironic and very timely. and……if i rode my bike 4 miles any where and they were 100% closed, I would become 100% unglued…then I would cry (cause I’m a girl)….then use my cell phone to call someone with a truck to come pick me up. Yeaaaa for you and wife riding ’till your bums hurt.
Thank you! Trust me, I felt like crying too.
I have a newfound respect for cyclists after doing an X bike class. It was damn hard, including the seat!
Seems to me you could give a class that consisted only of sitting on a bike seat until you finally got used to it. It would be a six month course.
Yes! I wonder why it’s never offered. Many would benefit. You are so witty!
hahahahahaha
With me or at me, it doesn’t matter as long as you’re laughing.
hard to say… but I think it’s both!!! Keep it coming, it’s making my work days go so much faster.
Monday through Friday. I’m like a baker that doesn’t make anything useful. Thanks for reading!
You could also get a cushion seat for bicycles. I’ve seen them @ K-mart, LOL!
Brilliant!
“So not only did we arrive, tired and sweaty, at a 100% closed library…” ~ what would a 67% closed library look like?
If a bear was loose in the library it would be 67% closed.
That was probably the best answer I could ever have hoped for.
When it has been a while, I go through that pain every time I get re-acquainted with my bike. And I am Dutch, so I was practically raised on a bike. Anyway, just keep biking and it will be more or less pain-free tomorrow. I promise (especially if you compare it to today). It doesn’t get worse than this, only better. Good luck!
It’s all about solidarity. Semper fidelis. Seize the pain.