The Beer Jar
by Will Bailey
Grand champion.
Beer me. But make sure it’s the good stuff. None of that cheap light swill that tastes like masking tape and costs less than tap water. I suppose one could claim that I’ve turned into a bit of a beer snob since The College Years, but only in the sense that I actually taste my beer now that I drink it from a glass and not a plastic red cup that has been repeatedly flavored with dirty ping pong balls. For those of you confused by the ping pong ball joke, it is a reference to an American drinking game known as “Beer Pong” or “Beirut.” It is exceedingly fun and the reason my immune system is now more impenetrable than Fort Knox, thanks to the amount of bacteria I consumed playing it. But those were the halcyon days of unbridled chaotic stupidity. I have since graduated to a far more refined drinking game known as “Drinking Your Beer Like A Normal Human.” It’s really fun. Here are the rules: 1) Partner up (the more the merrier); 2) Grab a drinking glass (plastics are strictly forbidden); 3) Concentrate on the pour (foam is good, dummy); 4) Put your feet up (unless you are at a bar); 5) Slowly enjoy your beer while conversing with others (last one to finish their drink wins). The best part about this game is that anyone can join in at anytime, and clean-up is a breeze. I prefer to play with a nice, crisp IPA, but that’s just me. Let the games begin!
I’m not normally a mean person, but I’m about to make you jealous. . .on purpose! I serve beer for a living! Dogfish Head beer to be exact. I am a proud beer snob now. I wrote a blog post about our New Years Eve Beer Dinner back in January. My bosses liked it so much I get to do it again tomorrow night. It’s our Father’s dad beer dinner. . . and I’m not taking my husband! He has had to travel to Hawaii without me, for work! It makes sense to me that I get to drink beer for work, without him! Yeah, I have a tough life huh? Ha ha. I’ve never actually played beer pong myself, I was already too old for it when I first heard about it. I do remember beer funnels though!
Ah, beer funnels: the processed cheese of alcoholic beverages.
Beer Pong is useful for many skills in life. Building immune systems, aiming a ping pong ball into a plastic cup, and….
Yep, that pretty much covers it.
Ah yes, I remember the days of consuming mass quantities of beer like the Coneheads from SNL. Now that I’m middle-aged I have graduated to having a few high quality beers. While the volume of beer has decreased I think I still enjoy myself just as much.
The epic battle of quality vs quantity wages on!
Drinking beer like a proper adult is one of the horseman of the adolescent apocalypse.
Spoken like a real Drinking Your Beer Like A Normal Human veteran.