The Beer Jar
by Will Bailey
Beer me. But make sure it’s the good stuff. None of that cheap light swill that tastes like masking tape and costs less than tap water. I suppose one could claim that I’ve turned into a bit of a beer snob since The College Years, but only in the sense that I actually taste my beer now that I drink it from a glass and not a plastic red cup that has been repeatedly flavored with dirty ping pong balls. For those of you confused by the ping pong ball joke, it is a reference to an American drinking game known as “Beer Pong” or “Beirut.” It is exceedingly fun and the reason my immune system is now more impenetrable than Fort Knox, thanks to the amount of bacteria I consumed playing it. But those were the halcyon days of unbridled chaotic stupidity. I have since graduated to a far more refined drinking game known as “Drinking Your Beer Like A Normal Human.” It’s really fun. Here are the rules: 1) Partner up (the more the merrier); 2) Grab a drinking glass (plastics are strictly forbidden); 3) Concentrate on the pour (foam is good, dummy); 4) Put your feet up (unless you are at a bar); 5) Slowly enjoy your beer while conversing with others (last one to finish their drink wins). The best part about this game is that anyone can join in at anytime, and clean-up is a breeze. I prefer to play with a nice, crisp IPA, but that’s just me. Let the games begin!