Realtor is Rich
by Will Bailey
Help me.
I’m in awe. I’m not talking about meeting the President or Dalai Lama or George Clooney, I’m talking about real estate agents. All real estate agents. Seriously, how do they do what they do? Do they have unusually high pain thresholds that were developed in their alien mothers’ wombs? Do they eat a lot of superfoods, such as spinach soaked in plutonium? Or are they simply, unabashedly insane? I honestly believe that I would not last one single day as a real estate agent. After ten minutes of forced enthusiasm for the haunted house I am showing my clients, I would literally jump out the window, regardless of whether it was open. Add that to a list that includes constant bickering with other agents, showing picky clients hundreds of houses before they decide to rent and withstanding the abominable horror of seeing how other people live day in and day out, and you’ve got the ultimate nightmare job description. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if the job has negative effects on their personal lives. For example, real estate agents are always agreeing with their clients’ horrible ideas about how to utilize a space. “Why, yes, you could put a toilet on the porch. How…creative.” So what happens when they go home? “Why, yes sweetie, you could put baking soda on your spaghetti. How…creative.” It’s anarchy, I tell you. ANARCHY!
The most difficult part is showing a ton of places, giving up your weekends, missing time with your kids and then they go and rent/buy from someone else. It’s like getting cheated on everyday.
So, if you were my realtor, we’d be…dating?
You have, I’m sure, noticed that they all have really nice cars. There are bilge buckets in the trunks. That’s the only way to get through it.
I’ve always hated how people in commission driven industries feel they have to drive expensive cars. In my mind there is no worse investment than a $50,000 car. With depreciation and high insurance costs you’re better off buying an economy car on the cheap and taping thousands of dollars to the spoiler. At least that way I know I can trust you to make sound decisions with money.
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Thank you! You too!
hahaha…the spinach soaked in plutonium..:) maybe this spinach’s the reason for those ‘creative’ ideas…
In my defense the spinach is 100% organically grown. Not sure about the plutonium though.
Believe it or not, they aren’t all crazy. My mother is a real estate agent and she is (kind of) sane. She doesn’t get crazy home makeover ideas, she never let us put baking soda on our spaghetti, never. She did bicker with other agents and constantly got stuck with picky buyers needing to look at hundreds of houses, people buying outside of their price range, and sellers listing their house to high. She does have a high tolerance for everything it seems (she is an army veteran and a martial arts instructor). She doesn’t have a thing for plutonium but she practically BREATHES coffee.
It’s the coffee. It must be the coffee. I just knew if we drank enough coffee, we could become invincible…. fly through space without a pressurized suit, eat fire with baking soda, and sell a haunted house with a haunted toilet on the porch.
Neeeed more coffee.
Haha how many cups have YOU had today?
Military and martial arts background. ‘Nuff said.