If Not Meow, When?
by Will Bailey
Barking contest.
Got earplugs? Cat has been meowing for about ten minutes straight, and in the words of my Hollywood Actor Uncle, and any number of sea captains, I’m sure, “I’m becoming un-tethered.” They’re not innocent little mews, either. They’re long, punctuated, crescendo meows that permeate the walls and cause all rodents to create a one hundred foot buffer zone between their kin and the terrifying monster that is screeching from within House Nailthbailth. What’s worse, Cat makes a point to look directly at me when he meows like this, which is the closest I will ever get to being yelled at by an animal. The problem is, Cat wants to be let outside on his leash so he can fantasize about beheading small birds while he stares at them. It’s the kind of behavior you would expect out of a pervy criminal, not a civilized house cat. But here we are: in the middle of an ugly stand-off. Cat, in one corner, yelling at me to get off my butt and help him go creep out some birds. In the other, I’m trying to clear my head and get some writing done, which is infinitely more difficult when a miniature lion is screaming at you. Perhaps I should try to beat Cat at his own game by meowing back. Or better yet, I could bark at him while maintaining unwavering eye contact. Yea, that’ll show him! Now I just have to figure out how to best explain this to Wife when she wakes up to the sound of her husband barking at her cat. Too much coffee?
Reblogged this on luvsiesous and commented:
Friends,
Here is another ‘fresh pressed’ blog.
Help me as we determine what makes a blog great enough to be fresh pressed.
And if ever you have been driven crazy by a cat screaming outside of your window, then this is for you!
Wayne
That was rather hilarious! I’ve hissed at my cats before. They just looked at me like I was crazy.
You have selected an attractive title as well as the featured image. Over all very appealing .
I agree, best title I’ve seen in a while, and the pic was perfect…
absolutely right……..
Barking works. I once had a cat that was constantly picking on my other cat and the only way to get him to leave her alone was to bark. It was a never ending source of hilarity to my mother, but it worked for me.
Great title. Really caught my attention.
Jimmy
I know right? It did it to me too
)
Exactly! Very well done.
Good Luck Check out mine http://norahobbs.wordpress.com/
He’s actually trying to warn you about the impending zombie apocalypse of birds, and you’re just not listening. He wants to go outside and stare down the evile invading avian undead to warn them from your abode, but you’re being too selfish…
He’s actually trying to warn you of the impending zombie apocalypse of mice. You’re just not listening right. “:smile:”
The other option of course, when your wife comes down to find you in the midst of a deep and heated argument, is to turn and face her, look her straight in the eye and say; “THE CAT STARTED IT!”
Loved your post! I have two cats who do this. My female cat, Majik, follows me around the house all day meowing at me for whatever cat reason she has. My male cat, Frodo, will howl if I’m outside and he can’t get to me. I can hear him from the yard, it’s awful. He also likes to pace on my pillow at night, stepping on my hair with each pass. And he drules (however you spell that) on me when he is happy. I have found that if I retaliate with OVERaffection, they will sometimes give me a “what the eff woman!?” and leave me alone for awhile.
Ok so I know this sounds mean, but I have a cat called Peggy Rose and she is constantly meowing. She meows as soon as I wake up and go into the kitchen, she meows when Im trying to sleep, and because I get so angry the only thing I do is kick her out of the house and lock her kitty door! I know I am mean but what else can I do? ~thelifeofkatyperry~
I couldn’t help laughing even though I know firsthand how not funny it is to live with a cat like that. Mine meows at the top of his lungs when he’s bored, wants out, the other cat ignores him – pretty much whenever it pleases him. One shouting/meowing match between the cat and my husband got so bad, they’re now not on talking terms. Too bad I love the silly fella (the cat) to bits
I know this situation only too well. At least you have some clue as to what this meowing means. I find a low growl similar to what I imagine an alpha lion would emit accompanied by some guttural grunts like those you might hear from a pack of angry baboons usually works a treat.
Anyway, I have to stop writing now. My group therapy session is re-commencing.
Cheers
The cat has got your goat. They do that, those “little lions”.
LMFAO and I really mean that. My ass has literally just fallen off.
Ouch.
Oh my goodness, this is my cat all over. Not only does he meow incessantly like this (asking for food/treats/pets/more pets/MOAR PETS–MNEOW!), he also inserts himself into situations. I could be working on the computer and ignoring his meows and he will jump on me and headbutt me (affectionately?) and purr at the highest volume. I could be going to bed and suddenly have a cat in my face, staring at me, perched on my sternum demanding pets. Or taking over my pillow like a horizontal cat-hat. @_@;
gotta love ‘im, though, right?
I thought everyone knew that cats don’t have owners, they have staff.
I was involved in a staring match with a cat this morning. The cat just stood silently and stared. I stared back. It stared me all the way to the bus stop. I’m pretty certain it’ll be waiting when I get back home to stare at me some more. I’ll take a bark off your tree and bark at the cat… Loved your post!
Story of my and my cat’s life!
Will, this is so funny. It’s just…so…damn cat.
(Congrats on all the great recognition today!)
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed.
thanks to you for such article.!
Will, great images. If you ever have an interest in adding a drawing to my picture puzzle page (i.e.. guest artist) please reach out to me. Thanks! http://www.KLooDoo.com
Thanks! Will do.
MEOW!
…:-)
Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Make it stop!
I can empathise with your plight. Thanks for the delightful read. Cool drawings by the way…how do you do that?
My pleasure. Pencil and ink on paper. Then I scan ‘em.
Yes, I can definitely sympathize. I usually start reciprocating but then it turns into an awful cacophony!
Haha yea kind of like fighting fire with fire.
Exactly! But I can’t seem to help rising to the bait…
Congrats on being Fresh Pressed!
Thanks! Keep the funny comments coming!
I have discovered that my cats hate the sound of tape being pulled off the roller(like packaging tape) so when they get annoying, I find a need to unroll some tape
(and no, before you ask, we have never used tape on our cats in any tortuous way, just with the sound ) Love the humor in your writing!!
Tape is a great idea…until I find myself taped to the wall upon waking up. Cat is known to have bursts of superfeline strength.
Well, he shouldn’t have thumbs and therefor shouldn’t be able to successfully get the tape off of the roll, you may be all right.
When my cats do that, I just play cat “meow” recordings: http://kessels.nl/catsounds/
Freaks them out each time.
This is brilliant. I am going to try this.
Oh my God………..at “sounds more like a pervy criminal” i couldn’t stop laughing!
Good! Unless you are still laughing, in which case you might need to go to the hospital?
My parents had a cat who was the cat from hell. George was his name and waiting for revenge was his game. If he was pissed off about something or other he would just sit back andd wait until my father was asleep. He then chose which foot and which toes he would sink his teeth into and then run like the wind to a remote well chosen spot.
The fact that he was named George is the icing on the cake.
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Meow Meow, my cousin’s cat, loves to stare through the screen door, undoubtedly to fantasize about beheading the birds (your words, but true!) That’s okay in the sunny, warm weather, but not so great when it’s rainy or cold out. But he insists and, if I’m around, he stares at me and meows really loudly until I give in (and he knows I will)
Nothing like a friendly feline death stare.
I thought your article was so hysterical, I’m still laughing…
[...] read this post by a guy who rants about his cat’s incessant meowing. He paints quite a picture and then I [...]
Reblogged this on Silent Observer.
Thank you for reblogging, even if it is an ugly sounding word.
LOL no problem.
I’m glad to find someone with a similar “catuation”, I too enjoy taking my cat out, on a leash of course and she has this great, and unmistakable way of letting me know when she would like to go outside. Apart from simply howling at the door she enjoys scratching at it until I comply, sometimes I wonder who the pet is.
Think about it: houses are just big fancy kennels.
Boy! Isn’t that the truth?! Most likely, we will have to do a bit of “claw damage” repair before trying to sell our house. Our cats are rather “musical,” as well. LOVE the post!
hahahahahaha… my cat meows all the time when she wants me to do something for her, i get so annoyed that i end up doing it just to shut her up.. lol.. great and witty post!!
They are masters of manipulation. Thanks!
Ironically enough, I was coming online this morning to write a post about the demon kitten I’ve been babysitting. Before writing, I thought I would read a post or two to get into the mood.
Instead, I’ve quite possibly stumbled across the long lost father of this demon kitten.
You might call it Serendipkitty.
Happy!!
Hurray!
Its hilarious with a meow in between!!!
Glad you enjoyed!
Who doesn’t Love a well executed pun? hehe
Whoever it is I don’t want to meet them!
Purrrrrfect…
I see what you did there.
Don’t ever complain about a cat’s complaint … no matter how funny or how serious it appears to you …. take it seriously, hmmm? …
Hence, if your cat is happy … you will be happy …. and that is the truth … don’t you know? Love, cat.
Wait, how are you typing? Are you dictating to Dog?
Right Meow!!!!
It never gets old.
About three weeks after we first moved in to our flat, our cat suddenly showed up playing with a dead bird on the living room. I don’t know how she did it. She hadn’t gone out in a while and we live on the second floor, so I guess she catched it while flying. People said it was because she was giving us an offering to show her happiness. Cats have a weird way to show it!
Happy Birthday! (it’s a dead bird)
Have u heard this joke about cats:
What is a cat’s favorite movie? “The Sound of Mewsic.”
I love your joke! I will have to tell my kids! lol
Seconded!
I should of mentioned, I loved your write up on the cat! I was laughing- they do love a good bird beheading- lol
Meow! meow! meow…
Meows…my only weakness.
LOL! I do that to my cats all the time. Whenever they start meowing for no reason I meow back at them until they stop!
You must have a very convincing meow!
Either that or they just get tired of hearing my voice… lol
Hahaha…that’s one funny article! That’s it bark at your cat and pretend you’re an annoyed dog. Honestly I hate cats, I just like them on the pictures. Well, why would I think that you would care? Hehe
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Thanks!
OMG…I have soooo been here, too many times! I tried meowing back, loudly, but my cat only looked puzzled and more annoyed. Eventually I’m afraid I did become untethered. My solution was a good spray of water from the squirt bottle…unkind, I know…yes, I felt guilty. But I got over it…and so did the cat.
I hope you were able to eventually reattached your tether.
Short, sweet, and filled with laugh-inducing sentences. I love it. Great post!
So glad you enjoyed!
Very Funny! I’ve never quite understood cats. They seem to communicate differently than dogs. I wonder what your cat would say if it could talk?! Thanks for sharing….go easy on the coffee tomorrow.
You Matter! Smiles, Nancy
“Who are you and why are you in my house?” No promises. Thanks!
The title here alone brought me, I love a good cat pun. Does Cat have a name?
Anyone who appreciates a good cat pun is OK in my book. Cat!
Wow!!!that was eery
True story.