by Will Bailey
It’s crunch time. Mostly because I’m about to eat some chips up in this hiz-ouse, but also because Wife and I are tightening our belts. We recently took a good hard look at our monthly budget, stress-ate an entire party pack of Doritos, and then took naps. While asleep, we were both visited by The Ghost of Frugal Future, who told us in a wobbly ghost voice that we could save money by not spending so much money. He also tried explaining how mortgages work, at which point I woke up in a cold sweat of sheer boredom. I guess the main point we took away from our haunted tutorial was that there are areas of our budget that are far more flexible than we think, especially expenditures on groceries. The mistake we have been making is that we front load our pantry and fridge with food, eat the shiny-looking stuff, and ignore the rest, effectively creating a backlog of food that we never touch. It’s kind of like the island of misfit toys, only the toys are bags of quinoa and cans of baked beans. Come to think of it, both of those things would make excellent toys for young children, because if they swallowed them, Accidental Nutrition! Speaking of eating strange objects by mistake, we’ve decided to eat through our pantry, which is like the world’s saddest tasting party. Today, we have for you a bag of carrots and half a jar of maraschino cherries, followed by two cans of tuna fish and, finally, a heaping bowl of raisins. Enjoy!