Uneaten Money

Target acquired.

It’s crunch time. Mostly because I’m about to eat some chips up in this hiz-ouse, but also because Wife and I are tightening our belts. We recently took a good hard look at our monthly budget, stress-ate an entire party pack of Doritos, and then took naps. While asleep, we were both visited by The Ghost of Frugal Future, who told us in a wobbly ghost voice that we could save money by not spending so much money. He also tried explaining how mortgages work, at which point I woke up in a cold sweat of sheer boredom. I guess the main point we took away from our haunted tutorial was that there are areas of our budget that are far more flexible than we think, especially expenditures on groceries. The mistake we have been making is that we front load our pantry and fridge with food, eat the shiny-looking stuff, and ignore the rest, effectively creating a backlog of food that we never touch. It’s kind of like the island of misfit toys, only the toys are bags of quinoa and cans of baked beans. Come to think of it, both of those things would make excellent toys for young children, because if they swallowed them, Accidental Nutrition! Speaking of eating strange objects by mistake, we’ve decided to eat through our pantry, which is like the world’s saddest tasting party. Today, we have for you a bag of carrots and half a jar of maraschino cherries, followed by two cans of tuna fish and, finally, a heaping bowl of raisins. Enjoy!

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3 thoughts on “Uneaten Money

  1. You had me until you said that you kept your carrots in the pantry. I do hope they aren’t fresh ones, and if not, why the hell are you eating canned carrots? Yuck.

  2. That is like the worst nightmare basket of competitive food ingredients ever to audition for “Chopped.” And that wasn’t even your asleep part. I am going to pack up my food-that-shall-not-venture-into-the-light in a nice bag of donation for our letter carrier this Saturday. It’s some official USPS thing. It’s a good day to call in sick if you happen to be a letter carrier, I’ll bet.

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