For Whom the Bell Toasts
by Will Bailey
A toast! Over there, on the that table. It looks really good. If nobody claims it then I am going to eat it. Yep, there’s nothing more delicious than a warm piece of buttery toast. Personally, I like mine with a little salt sprinkled on top. Or, if I’m really feeling indulgent, cinnamon and sugar. Of course, the beauty of toast lies in its simplicity. You start off with two normal pieces of bread, but after a minute or two in the toaster, POOF!-their chemical structures are permanently rearranged to yield maximum flavor and crunch. Oh, that crunch. It’s just heavenly, that crunch. Especially when paired with a liberal swab of butter. It’s like eating…money. You know, if you could eat money. Basically, it all boils down to savory and sweet. That’s the genius of toast: it can be either savory, OR sweet, depending on your mood. Believe it or not, I used to be a big sweet toast kind of guy, but lately I’ve been going nuts with the savory variety. Life’s funny that way, I guess. One minute you’re spreading strawberry preserves on two slices of golden brown country wheat, the next you’re tossing a pinch of salt on a pair of buttered cinnamon raisin swirl. Man, what a wild ride. What’s that? Well, what does it look like I’m doing? I’m making a toast! Oh, you meant a complimentary speech about the married couple. Oops.