The Tax Party
by Will Bailey
How was your weekend? Was it wild and crazy, like mine? Were you knee deep in W-2′s, 1099-R’s, receipts and NUM-locked keyboards? Well, I was. And let me tell you, it was a full-blown, tush to toes party experience. I mean, I was putting back deductions like they were glasses of tap water (and I was, you know, really thirsty). I’m pretty sure I did a Schedule C Business Expense-stand at one point, although my memory gets a little hazy after the Form DR-42B Boat race. Also, it turns out that we never purchased a boat, so I had to spend about thirty minutes on the phone with my online tax software’s customer service department to undo that little brain fart. My rep assured me that he sees that kind of thing all the time-kids getting messed up on declarations and pulling the trigger on an inaccurate sales report. Sure, it’s unpleasant, but then again so is a Topic 653 IRS Tax Notice. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. H-
Alright, that’s enough. Listen, everybody…I’m sorry. I guess I’m still a little hungover from crunching those numbers for five hours straight. As a result, all I can think of this morning are stale accountant jokes, from an accountant who has recently suffered repeated blows to the head. They also may or may not enjoy the smell of rubber cement a little too much. Nevertheless, I’m using my Get Out of Joke Free Card for this one, capische? I’ve been through a lot in the past forty-eight hours, and I’m not exactly on top of my game. I am, however, on top of my Form 1040 Schedule A Itemized Charitable Donations [drum rimshot, shoots imaginary cowboy pistols into air]. I…I’m sorry. I’m going now.