February 22, 2012
Monthly payment.
What’s your plan? I’m asking because my plan is terrible. No, I’m not talking about my plan to take out a bank loan and start a liquorice food truck called “Liqouricious” that runs on supreme unleaded and only accepts Diners Club Cards and Microsoft Points-that one is foolproof. I’m talking about my terrible cell phone plan. How do I know it’s terrible? Because, by default, all cell phone plans are terrible, and therefore, by using the power of deductive reasoning, Extra Sensory Perception and a TI-83 Plus graphing calculator I have concluded that my plan is also terrible (the calculator is for graphing smiley-faces at my own leisure). Seriously, can you think of any other product with a payment plan as convoluted as a cell phone’s (other than: cars, student loans, cable television, high speed internet, credit cards, concert tickets, hotel mini bars, mortgages, and life insurance). Exactly! You can’t! That’s because cell phone plans are designed to be confusing so that you wind up paying for way more than you are actually getting. 2-year Contracts? Hidden fees? Termination buy-outs? Whatever happened to inserting money into a slot and receiving exactly what you want for exactly what it is worth? What were those things called? The name started with a “v” I think. Vacuum machines? Yes. Vacuum machines. Why can’t cell phone companies be more like vacuum machines and just let me pay a flat fee for an all-inclusive product that I can either eat now or save for later? Man, all this talk about vacuum machines is making me hungry!
You need to go to a country where people constantly talk on their phones. That’s where you’ll get a good competitive rate. Where’s a nice place this time of year?
I live in Spain, and you know they like to talk. Plans are good here.
I think I’d only be trading one pet peeve for another, however I do love Spain!
One word: prepaid.
Seriously considering this.
Diners Club makes me happy.
Well, I do aim to please.
At the risk of sounding far too eloquent for how sleep depraved I am: They all suck.
I’ve been in a contract with Sprint since 2003 and have drilled them repeatedly every time it’s time to renew my contract so I know exactly what I’m paying for. Even so, I’m sure I’m getting screwed somewhere. Makes me wonder what the rest of the world would be like if they all ran like cellular service providers…
…actually, no. I don’t want to imagine that. I’ll have nightmares.
That would make a fantastic sci-fi novel!