The Bonfire of the Receipts
by Will Bailey
Next please.
Need a receipt? Need two receipts? Three? Four? How about five? I have them right here in my wallet. Some might say I have an army surplus store of small purchase receipts. Others might say I have a pocket full of tiny garbage. Others still might say that we faked the moon landing and yogurt contains mind control properties. There are a lot of nutty people out there. All this aside, can we please get our receipt situation under control? There is nothing more useless and wasteful than a small purchase receipt. I would rather be handed a small wasps’ nest than receive a slip of paper that notes the time, date and name of the cashier who was there the day the Earth stood still when some guy with yellow hair bought a coffee with skim milk. I will concede that businesses must issue receipts for every transaction in order to keep an accurate sales record, but nowhere in the Law Book (the one that exists in my mind) does it say you can’t spice things up a bit. Instead of a boring old paper receipt, how about a miniature plaque commemorating your historic purchase? Wouldn’t it be cool if you received a trophy every time you ordered a latte? How about small pets, such as a frog or goldfish, to serve as a living momento to the $2 dollar investment you make every day in coffee futures (“futures” meaning immediate consumption). Temporary tattoos? Receipt stickers: you stick ‘em on your body like luggage labels on an old suitcase. “Oh, I see you’ve been to the coffee shop, grocery store and gas station today. Do these come off? No? Well…you look…great!”
[...] pizza coupons or near expired pieces of pizza buried beneath horrible totem poles made of bills and receipts. But there is the odd occasion when I really need to get a hold of my birth certificate or fake [...]
SPOT ON. Recites only exist to annoy me by occupying more and more space in my wallet, or to make me feel mildly guilty when I throw them away… just in case I needed to return that $3 bag of cotton balls.
And to be spelling errors when I try to rant about them.
Every. Turn.
haha I have more receipts than coins in my bag…I would much rather get a stick of gum with every purchase! Btw, I love the yellow lining for your hair in your pictures!
[...] your weekend? Was it wild and crazy, like mine? Were you knee deep in W-2′s, 1099-R’s, receipts and NUM-locked keyboards? Well, I was. And let me tell you, it was a full-blown, tush to toes party [...]
Love the part about the wasp nest : )
haha i agree strongly
If receipts came as awards some of us would be broke cause that’s the only time we would ever get awarded:0
lol!
Reblogged this on WordPress Trends.
My pocketbook seems to spawn receipts worse than a salmon fish hatchery! Great Blog!
These are all terrible ideas. You’re awful just awful.
I did enjoy the post, however.
[...] five dollars on this bad boy! Well, actually it was $4.99 plus tax – I can even show you the receipt if you want – but “five dollars” sounds sexier. Look, don’t blame me for [...]
ha ha ha..!!! very nice and funny post…liked so much…loved the pics so much…you have really creative mind….
Haha this is great!
:It was something of great exceiemtnt discovering your site this morning. I came up here today hoping to get something new. And I was not disappointed. Your ideas upon new strategies on this topic were enlightening and a fantastic help to me. Thank you for making time to write out these things plus for sharing your opinions.
Thanks for commenting everyone! Please let me know where you would like me to send your receipt!
Love the idea of trophies… my mantel is looking a bit bare. Otherwise the temporary tattoos would be hilarious! I’ve picked up some odd habits, and hoarding useless receipts is one of them. I’d much rather hoard goldfish.
I have a pile full of receipts,
They just collect in the garbage,
It’s a song on repeat,
You see
it’s A STEAL!
Of my identity!
I want it back,
I said,
Word Up Inc…
I think people would look at you look funny if you had a wallet full of trophies.
When they ask me if I want my receipt I say: “sure…but only after you do something naughty with it…”
Reblogged this on Kiara Lane.
Trophy systems for purchases are a decent idea. But what we really need is some sort of card that keeps track of all your purchases and then emails them to you… Wait.
Actually, you might be safer being handed a wasp’s nest – most thermal receipts contain BPA, a proven nasty chemical that can do all kinds of nasty things to you…check it out, and thanks for the blog post – I concur!
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20011903-10391704.html
The one thing I’ll give the Apple store props for is their ability to email you the receipt. That I like. No slips of paper, just little electronic bits.
Ha!
I vote for electronic receipts
Love the post. I made the Starbucks keep my receipt this afternoon ha Cheers!
I keep all of my receipts in my car. When the windows go down they fly around everywhere.
Reblogged this on reinaldobanh and commented:
Shaws, only
Phew, I hear ya! I like to think that I’m good at ‘keeping’ receipts, only to look at them months later and wonder why I thought it would be a good idea to SAVE a grocery receipt… silly JoJo…
You read my mind. I hate receipts. I love it and think it’s polite when the cashier asks you if you want the receipt. “NO!!! I do not! Thanks, though!” Or at least the store should provide a trash can right by the register. That’s considerate and give props to stores that do, like Smoothie King. I hate to have to leave with it and then of course, it makes its way in to the dark abiss, which is my purse
[...] pocket full of tiny garbage. Others still might say that we faked the moon landing and yogurt [...] FreshlyPressed test Filed under Culture | Tags: Bonfire, Receipts | Comment [...]
Cool idea!
Reblogged this on dansummers78.
Today I found a receipt with a necklace and bracelet that my mother bought me in 1997. In a way I’m kind of glad I kept it so I could remember when that was, and how much it costs…although now that I know that information, I admit it’s kind of useless. …I also got rid of 9 bags of trash from my house, so maybe this isn’t surprising…
nice
I use an envelope but throw out the small insignificant ones!!!!
I keep receipts in my wallet until it can’t hold any more. At that point many of them have had the ink mostly rubbed off, so I reuse them as little scraps of paper to leave notes for my fiancée and roommates!
Ha! You are funny as heck! Love your post. Regards, D
we ended up cataloguing our receipts instead (only the ones related to travel): http://bushahrtimes.com/archives/1302
Maybe you should try making something out of those receipts. Like a flamethrower to burn all future receipts before the cashier can even hand them to you.
Or, you know… Pretty origami flowers.
You need to make this happen.
A sculpture of a wallet exploding with receipts, perhaps strung out like birds flying into the air, would be an awesome day-long project.
Yes our receipts have also grown Out of control! I threw in the fireplace recently and it felt good to get rid of them!
just the momen
My wallet is also a repository of receipts. To keep things in balance I recommend handing an old receipt back to the cashier every time he hands you a new one. For the recalcitrant cashier you might want to slip it in along with the cash.
You have a fertile mind .. put your ideas to good use .. maybe earn from them … its all
possible you know .. if you decide you want to begin.
They could do like teachers do and keep stickers or stamps. You will begin to believe that they are Academy Awards!
I can never bring myself to throw away receipts, just in case I ever get accused of stealing. My bedside table is basically just one giant receipt now.
I’m a big fan of using receipts as chewed up gum wrappers. Let’s be honest, you couldn’t do that with a goldfish… However, I feel like there’s the potential for a hilarious illustration if you wanted to diagram it for me.
Great post! Frogs… too funny,
Fun Fun I like this
Hahahaha! So true!
Congratulations on getting Freshly Pressed!
Edwin