January 27, 2012
Shadow zone.
I see the light! It’s coming from under my desk, where I stashed my office lamp. I’m in a bit of a dilemma. On one hand, my office’s overhead fluorescent lighting makes me feel like I’m in the world’s most boring tanning salon. On the other, the standard issue desk lamp I received must have been originally used to search for fugitives in the Alaskan wilderness, because its luminosity is ten times that of the sun. So, I’ve struck a compromise: I keep the overhead lights off, and put my lamp under my desk, thereby reducing the glare to my eyeballs and creating a delightfully creepy atmosphere I like to call The Shadow Zone. Thus, if you were to wander into my office to chat about Y2K (as people at work are want to do), you would see me typing at my desk in a room filled with shadows. Now, if that doesn’t just scream “promote me,” I don’t know what does. Talent? Maybe talent. Either way, I’m starting to build a reputation around the halls as Poorly-Lit Office Guy. Not too shabby, eh? My goal is to gradually lower the amount of light in my office until I am effectively working in darkness. I figure with enough practice, I’ll be able to search my own filing cabinet with zero visibility, much like a bat blindly maneuvers a cave. Pretty soon, anyone who walks by my office will see a black, cavernous void. The only evidence of my presence will be the steady tip-tap of my keyboard, and the ringing of my telephone. It’s going to be awesome.
What a great idea! My boss already thinks I’m an interplanetary pagan; this will confirm every bizarre notion he has about me. I’ve got to get the Underdesk Lamp!
You have to order them special from Germany.
Haha! This post cracks me up. My office has an amazing skylight but I was issued a bizarre little white lamp that manages to extend itself enough to illuminate my forearm – that’s about it. I think we may have contrary issues :S.
I would be instantly blinded if I set foot in there.