Warranties and Peace
by Will Bailey
Nothing works. Wife’s phone is busted, the TV reception is fuzz, my laptop is on the fritz, and we’re almost out of toothpaste! OK, that last one had nothing to do with electronics, but it’s still annoying. Now I have to make a trip to the store just for toothpaste. That’s like flying to Paris for a glass of wine! Actually, that’s a terrible simile, but give me a break, I’m upset. Why am I upset? Because every expensive gadget I have ever purchased seems to have the same half-life as processed uranium. “But Will, the more intricate technology becomes, the more variables there are to contribute to an operational failure,” says the nerd that lives in my brain. “SHUT UP, nerd! You just bought yourself another atomic wedgie!” The worst part is that manufacturers openly acknowledge this insanely frustrating paradox by offering limited, one year warranties. Why are we putting up with this? I bet if this were the 1800′s, and HP, the leading manufacturer of affordable lap-horses, announced they were not to be held responsible if their products went on crazed rampages after one year of regular use, the people would revolt! Back then, most of your products outlived you, especially lap-horses, because their tiny hearts last longer. If you think I’m being dramatic, consider this: a few weeks ago, Wife was digging through some old boxes when she found the Founding Father of modern electronics, GameBoy. Did it still work? You bet your lap-horse it did! Sure, the screen was so dim we had to hold it under a reading lamp to play Super Mario Land, but I guess that’s half the fun! As for my laptop? I’m trading it in for a lap-horse.