The Holding Star

Easy listening.

I’m on hold. Have been for hours. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun! The way I see it, the fine people at the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles (RMV) are providing me with literally hours of free entertainment. Wow, thanks guys! Of course, free music is nice, but are the fresh tracks they are piping through my phone Grammy-worthy? Well…maybe. First, we have to identify the criteria that makes a given piece of music eligible for Grammy contention. One: does the music have more than one saxophone? Check. Two: is it horrible? Check. Three: does the music sound like it was generated by an Apple II computer in 1981? Check. Ladies and gentlemen, looks like we have a winner! Oh, those aren’t the actual criteria, you say? Come to think of it, yes, I suppose I was being VICIOUSLY SARCASTIC!!! The truth is, I don’t think I can accurately describe corporate holding music, because I have never had hot lead poured into my ears. I understand that people are particular, and music licensing is expensive, but…come on! Anything – and let me be very clear about this – ANYTHING would be a favorable alternative to this garbage. Here are some suggestions: various recorded screams, crying babies, crying adults, garbage trucks in operation, some guy shouting curse words, gunfire, and last but not least, microphone feedback. That’s right…I would rather listen to microphone feedback than the saxophone and clarinet noise rock that is holding muzak. There is one exception, however, and that is the sound of the voice of the person I am trying to reach. Because, obviously, they will not be able to help me in any way.

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5 thoughts on “The Holding Star

  1. Pingback: One Flew Over the Customer Service Nest «

  2. You know how people just write LOL and you know they’re saying it just because they can? I actually LOL’d at “I’ve never had hot lead poured into my ears”. I know the music you’re describing and yes, it is painful.

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