The Grapes of Wrap
by Will Bailey
Sweet embrace.
I’m in love. I’m not talking about Wife, either. Make no mistake, I love Wife with all my heart, our bond transcends space and time, and she can control my brain by glaring at me. That’s a given. But this is a different kind of love I’m talking about. The kind of love that can only exist between a man and 200 square feet of polyvinylidene chloride. Yes, I am of course referring to Saran wrap. From the moment we met, I could tell Saran was different. Sure, there had been others: the occasional plastic storage bin, a freezer bag here and there. Hell, I even experimented with tin foil for a while, and the results were not pretty. But ever since Saran appeared on the scene, things have been…different. I mean, food actually tastes better! Saran makes vegetables crispier, marinades marinade-ier! I’m experiencing salads in a way I never thought possible! Saran has opened my eyes to a whole new world of food preservation opportunities, and has granted me the confidence to bring three-day-old mashed potatoes to a dinner party without making anybody hurl! Look, I could go on for hours about Saran (I’m not kidding, I’ll turn this into a 24/7 Saran party without blinking. Try me.), but you’ll never truly appreciate what I’m talking about until you experience Saran for yourself. Don’t worry, I’m not the jealous type. See, me and Saran have sort of an open relationship thing going on. Hey, as long as Saran keeps that jar of extra-chunky salsa fresh and tangy, Saran can be with anyone Saran likes. What? I lost the cap!
[...] personal freedoms such as shoving pepperoni pizza into their gaping maws and licking frosting off Saran wrap. Wait a second, is that…? It is! Everybody, come look: the face of George Washington has [...]
I believe it takes a woman to conquer the proper Press and Seal technique. It’s all in the tear motion. Place the proper amount on a hard surface and tear away. You could seal nuclear waste in Press and Seal and not have a leak. I pity your obsession with Saran Wrap!
LOL. Me and my boyfriend read your blog and find it hilarious.
today the replies to the comments were the icing on the cake.
kudos.
More icing for you and Boyfriend!
Note to self: invite nailsbails to a dinner party very, very soon. If Saran ever fails you, those cardboard foldy chinese food boxes seem to work incredibly well. Weeks later, General Tso’s is every bit as delicious as it is four days after you put it in the fridge.
Funny, your Gravatar bears an uncanny resemblance to Cat.
If you met Glad Press and Seal, you may rethink your entire view on life, love, and religion. Try getting your precious Saran to cover up a paper plate of cheese without using half a roll. Press and Seal? No problem. Press and Seal laughs at your Saran and then winks at you coyly.
I have tangled with Press and Seal in the past. Its sorcery frightens me.